The Secret Life of Sam Winchester
by KAnne24
Summary: Sam decided not to go to Stanford and instead joined the marines. After spending 3 years in Iraq and coming home hurt and 4 years without contacting Dean, Dean shows up one day and finds out what Sam's really been up to. Sam 22 Dean 26
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Sam P.O.V

After I fought with my dad I left for Stanford. On the way there I decided that I couldn't go, not with my dad's words still on my mind. So I called Stanford and told them I wouldn't be attending. And instead I joined the United States Marine Corps. I suffered through 13 weeks of boot camp at Parris Island, South Carolina then made it through Camp Geiger. After that I was assigned to my unit and we were shipped out to Iraq.

3 years into my tour I was walking down a dirt road and stepped on a roadside bomb. My 2 closest friends were killed instantly, I fortunately? survived. I was at a hospital for a few weeks before being sent to a rehabilitation center to figure out how to use my new leg.

It's been four years since I last saw Dean and my dad. I'm ashamed to admit it but i'm afraid to see them. I don't know what their reactions would be, but most of all I don't want their pity. I get enough from complete strangers as it is. But I miss Dean and I hate to admit it but I miss hunting. Ridding the world of monsters was better than this. I wake up every morning and the first thing I notice is how lonely I am. I rent an apartment in Palo Alto and I live alone. I've tried dating but most girls can't get around the one leg thing and the scars covering my stomach, chest, and arms. I work at a local restaurant as a cook. It's a good job and I get a lot of free food so its fine. I live in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment. Theres a couch, TV and coffee table in the living room. In my room is a queen size bed and a dresser. Theres nothing but bookshelves full of lore and a desk with my laptop on it in the other bedroom.

When I enlisted I told Bobby where I was going, he didn't like my choice but it was too late to stop me. But most importantly he agreed not to tell Dean or my dad. I've talked to him since but haven't mentioned my appearance or my missing leg. I'm pretty sure he would call Dean and my dad immediately. He thinks I made it back okay and I just let him think that. I help him with hunts sometimes but its all desk work of course. Other than helping Bobby I don't do much except work and watch TV and drink. I drink to forget, but I try to avoid drinking so much that I wake up with a hangover. I just wish I was normal so I could go hang out with Dean for a day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dean's P.O.V

My dad and I are driving through the streets of San francisco after just finishing taking out a nest of vampires. After Sammy left my dad and I have tried to avoid the West Coast at all possible costs. But this nest was out of control and everyone else was busy so we took care of it. I'll be the first to admit that I miss Sammy, I miss him a lot. I can tell my dad does too. And the close proximity to Stanford isn't helping much. So I ask the question "Dad can we go see Sam, he's so close."

"Dean" he warns.

"Dad come on I know you miss him as much as I do, we can convince him to come back, help us." I say and before he can interuppt I add "Dad theres a motel up in Palo Alto, we can stop there for the night and I'll go track him down and talk to him."

"Fine but only for the night and were leaving by 2:00 pm tomorrow afternoon, understand?" John says

"Yes Sir" I say. We park at the motel and I leave my dad behind to go find Sam.

I figured since he's been here for a few years that he's not living on campus anymore. I call Bobby and he gives me Sam's address. I decide to show up at Sam's door, partly because I want to surprise him and partly because I'm afraid he would leave or not answer if he knew I was coming. After driving in circles I finally find his apartment building. I walk up to apartment 12B and knock on the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sam P.O.V

I'm sitting on my couch drinking and watching TV. The drinking dulls the nightmares. I don't really do much besides that anymore. And I hardly ever read unless I'm helping Bobby with Lore. I hear a knock at the door. I grabbed my gun and quietly walked up to the door. I looked through the peep hole and just about fainted at who I saw standing there. Dean, Shit! I turn around and lean against the door trying to decide what to do. It's not like he knows I'm home but then again he could just pick the lock and see if I am home. And even if he doesn't pick the lock then he will probably just sit there and wait or come back later. I guess I can't hide from him forever. So I throw on a sweatshirt and sweats to hide my leg and scars, put on a smile and open the door.

"Hey Dean! What are you doing here?" I said. I take in his appearance. Same spiked hair, leather jacket, ring, amulet and smell. Thank god he's still the same.

"Sam, Dad and I just killed a nest of vamps up in San Francisco, practically in your backyard." said Dean

Shit! Dads here too? What am I going to tell him? God damn it Bobby! Why did you tell him where to find me.

" Oh yeah, I've been keeping an eye on it but I didn't think it was too bad yet." "Do you want something to drink? I have Jim Beam and Jack Daniels?" I said

Dean gives me a skeptical look and says " You have Alcohol? I guess I'll have some Jack."

I walk into the kitchen and try to hide the limp as much as I possibly can but I know he's noticed when I hear him say

"Wha-" then abruptly cuts himself off. I hear Dean following me so I grab the Jack and pull out 2 glasses. I set them down on the kitchen table and I lower myself into my chair. I pour myself and Dean a decent amount. "Are you gonna sit down or just stand there and look at me all day? "

Dean sits down and opens his mouth to say something but then closes it. Watching him I know that he's going to try to find out anything and everything he possibly can . But his main goal I'm sure is to get me to follow him back to dad. And of course most importantly, get me hunting again.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:none of it's mine

Chapter 4

Dean's P.O.V

I walk in and take in Sam's appearance. 3 day old beard and I smell alcohol. I know somethings wrong. And my suspicions are confirmed when he pulls out 2 glasses and pours himself more than I think I've ever even seen him drink in my life. What happened and What's with the Limp? And the sweatshirt? It's like 85 degrees outside and humid. Am I missing something? "Are you okay? What's with the limp and the sweatshirt? Its like super hot out." I said I see Sam's I'm caught look cross his face before he replies " Oh I just tripped and fell down the stairs the other day and so what if I have a sweatshirt on?" He says Great, now he's being defensive. Something's definitely going on. I ask "How's Stanford, is it normal? Are you happy?" He looks down, not meeting my eyes and I know immediately whatever is about to come out of his mouth is a lie, he says "It's fine, about as normal as it gets, besides the people and I thought monsters were weird. Yea Dean I'm happy"

Wowww I can't believe how much lying that was in that one sentence. " Sam do you have anything to eat? I'm starving, and where's your bathroom?"

"Down the hall and its the first door on your left. And I'm just going to order a pizza 'cuz I'm starving too." He replies.  
Sam' s bathroom is light blue with wood cabinets and a mirror over the sink. As soon as I get to the bathroom I immediately begin rummaging through the cupboards to find something out. I start with the cupboard under the sink since its the biggest. The first thing I notice is a jar of prostheses lubricant. Why the hell does he need that? I know I'm running out of time when I hear Sam on the phone so I hurry up and run across the hall to his room. I open the closet and don't see anything but just before I close it I notice something in the corner. It's a uniform. Not just any uniform but a uniform for the Marine Corps with Winchester written on it. I almost faint right then and there but hold it together long enough to grab it and take it out to show Sam what I found. As I'm walking back down the hall all I can think is that Sam was in the marines. In my confusion, I forget about the prostheses lubricant.  
I stop in the doorway of the kitchen. Sam is sitting down facing away from me. It is then that I notice his hands shaking. I take a second to really look at him. He has dark circles under his eyes. I quietly call out "Sammy? Are you okay?"

He turns and sees the uniform and immediately tenses up before saying "Well you caught me."

"Sam what the hell? I thought you were at Stanford. Sam you could have died and we would have left it at that argument. Sam! Look at me!"  
Sam looks up and quietly says "I almost did."  
I don't know what to say, what does he mean he almost died. "Sam what do you mean?"  
"You might as well call dad that way I don't have to tell him again." Sam says I walk out of the room and call my dad. When my dad answers I tell him what I found. Theres silence on the other end until he quietly says "Shit, well I'll be there in 5 minutes" and he hangs up.  
I walk back into the kitchen and Sam is just sitting there I tell him that dad is on his way. He gets up and walks to the door to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine

Chapter 6

Sam P.O.V

I get up and stand next to the door ready to confront my dad's anger. I put my hands in my pockets to hide their shaking. I can hear Dean pacing in the kitchen, I wonder how mad he is? I hear a knock on the door and Dean enters the room and I open the door to let my dad in. He walks in, closes the door and screams "What the Hell were you thinking?" Then he shoves me. It's not a hard shove, normally it wouldn't even off balance me, but with my already shaky stance I fall, hard, on my ass. I'm sitting on the floor looking up at my dads shocked face. He offers me a hand up and says "Sam? I'm sorry I didn't think I shoved you that hard."

"You didn't shove me hard at all dad, I just wasn't expecting it and-" I say. "Do you two want to sit down at the table so I can tell you without you jumping to conclusions." They sit down at the table and I join them.

"Okay, so what do you want to know" I ask

Dean gives me a look and just says "Everything" my dad nods his head in agreement.

So I start "After we fought dad, I just couldn't go to Stanford knowing that you and Dean were so against it. And you had said that if I walked out that door not to come back, and by the time I decided not to go I was already gone." Dean starts to interrupt but I cut him off "So I wandered for a little while before deciding to join the marines. I was at Parris Island, then I went to Camp Geiger. After that I was assigned to a unit and we were shipped out to Iraq." I pause because I'm starting to see my best friends die again and my hands are shaking and I'm sweating. I don't know whats wrong with me.

"Sam, are you okay?" Dean asks and I can see he's scared.

Am I okay? No not at all but I don't want to worry Dean so I instead say "Yea I'm fine" I can see that he doesn't totally believe me but I have to continue the story. " So we got to Iraq and it was all the usual patrols and stuff ." I stop to compose myself before continuing. "Me and a couple of my buddies were walking down a road when-" I choke on my words. This is awful I don't want Dean to know what happens next. I don't want my dad to know but I know they will need to. "Well one of us must have, you know set it off, but they, they died instantly, I on the other hand wasn't so lucky." I can see their twin masks of horror. I start to take off the sweatshirt and Dean starts to stop me but they have to see this. My sweatshirt comes off and they see the shrapnel scars covering my stomach, chest and arms. Dean chokes and I see the color drain from both of their faces. "This is from the roadside bomb. But I haven't even told you the worst part yet. I left a considerable chunk of myself" I give a laugh with no humor in it. "Not even emotionally, I literally left a physical peace behind." I reach down and pull up my pant leg and they see the metal contraption that is now my foot, lower leg and knee. Dean almost faints, It's almost funny. It's then that I get up and leave the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dean's P.O.V

What the hell is going on? My brain can't even process all of this information at one time. I get up to follow Sam but my dad stops me "Dean just leave him alone for a moment. He'll be back in a minute."

I'm about to argue but I know he's right. I'm forced to sit there and wait for Sammy to come back. I hate to admit but I'm near tears, and they are about to be unleashed when my dad says "Dean, keep it together. He's home now and he's safe."

"I know dad but he drinks and he's shaky and has dark circles under his eyes. And the beard dad? When have you ever seen a scruffy Sam? And Sam drink? Won't that ruin the body that he keeps running like a well oiled machine?" I say. I can't help but think that he may be safe physically but he's definitely not okay.

Sam P.O.V

I'm sitting in my room on my bed, shaking. I feel like I'm having a hard attack. I can't catch my breath and my hearts racing. The flashbacks are starting, and I can't stop them. I don't know what to do. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and I realize how bad I look. Dark circles under my eyes, the beginnings of a beard and I'm pale. Looking at myself I can see why Dean and my Dad are so worried, I look awful. I decide to go out there and talk to them. I compose myself and walk out. I enter the kitchen and the first thing I do is walk to Dean. Immediately I'm wrapped in his arms and I know that everything will be okay with my brother by my side. He pulls away and says "It's okay Sammy, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

With those words I finally relax for the first time in a while. Then the door bell rings and I have to think for a second before remembering the pizza I ordered. "The pizza guys here" and I walk to the door and open it. I take the pizza from the teen and pay him. The pizza smells delicious and I realize how hungry I am. I set the pizza down on the kitchen table and grab some plates. We start eating and the silence is uncomfortable so I ask "Any good hunts lately?"

"No not really, mostly just salt and burns and a decapitation every once in a while." Dean says.

We finish eating and I get up and put the plates in the dishwasher. "I'm pretty tired so I'm going to go to bed. The couch is a pull out so If you want to sleep there feel free." I know that my dad won't stay but I secretly hope Dean stays. I just don't want to be alone tonight. Dean must see something in my eyes because he says "Dad you can go back to the motel, but I'm gonna crash here tonight." I'm so grateful that he's not leaving me alone. I go to bed and I hear Dean get settled on the couch. And I fall asleep.

3 hours Later

I wake up to Dean shaking my arm with a worried look on his face. I must have been screaming. I'm sweating, I can't catch my breath, and my heart is racing. That dream was way more vivid than they usually are. Bringing up those memories must have caused. I can tell Dean is nervous so and ask "What's wrong?" even though I already know the answer.

He gives me a look and says "Seriously Sammy? You know, God you scared the crap outta me. I thought you were dying in here or something." A little voice in the back of my head comments that I kind of was. "Do you want to like talk about it or something. I mean this can be a chick flick moment if you need it to be" he adds.

I sit up and pull back the blankets and sit there in nothing but my underwear. I can tell the sight of my missing leg really freaks Dean out. Even if he would never admit it. "No Dean I don't really want to. I'm just going to go get some water." I start to put on my leg when Dean stops me and says "No Sammy I'll go get it, you just stay there."

I'm irritated that he said that. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid happening. I don't want to be treated like I'm crippled because I most definitely am not. I finally give up with it and just grab the crutches by the foot of my bed. By that time I can hear the water running in the kitchen. I stand up and go into the kitchen to get my own damn water.

"Sam I told you I would get it for you. There's no need to get all the way up just to go back to bed again." he says

"Dean I'm not completely incapacitated you know. I've been living alone for a while now and I am more than capable of fending for myself." I grab a glass and fill it with water and sit at the table. Dean sits down with me and I can tell he's sorry, and he looks exhausted. "Dean go back to bed, you look awful." I say

I see the familiar smirk and he says "Only if you do."

I agree and grab my crutches and hobble back to bed with Dean following right behind me. Ready to catch me if I fall. It irritates me but I don't say anything. I just pretend not to notice him. I lay back in bed and Dean goes back to the living room to go back to bed. After about an hour he finally falls asleep and I do too.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine, still.

This is the last chapter, sorry.

Chapter 7

Dean P.O.V

The next morning

I ended up running to wake up Sam twice more last night. He's sleeping right now and has been for about 45 minutes. I wonder if he has nightmares like this every night? I don't know what to do about Sammy. I decide to call my dad and tell him to come back and bring breakfast with him. My dad calls and says hes outside the door and didn't want to knock and risk waking Sam up. I go and open the door for him. He brought bacon and eggs. Yum, greasy food. My favorite. We walk into the kitchen and sit down to eat. My dad looks like he got absolutely no sleep last night but then again who did?

"Dad, I woke up to him screaming three times last night. Is that normal? Should we be worried?" I say. I'm pretty sure that no matter what my dad says I'll still be worried about Sam, because that's my job right? To always worry about Sam.

He says "Dean, I'm pretty sure it's normal symptom of PTSD."

Wait what? Sam with PTSD? "How do you know?"

He replies "A fair few of my buddies suffered from it after leaving Vietnam Dean."

I excuse myself and go into the living room to pace. I figure that I might as well do some research to find out if he does or not.

I walk into Sam's spare bedroom and go and sit at the desk. I open up his laptop and google PTSD. I pull up several sites and finally come to the conclusion that he might indeed have it. Actually it is pretty probable that he does. He has a few of the signs. The ones that I noticed were; nightmares, depression, difficulty sleeping, his non existent social life, isolation and his new drinking habits. I'm worried about Sam and I decide that I will do everything in my power to help him through this tough time.

I tell walk into the kitchen to talk to my dad and find him sitting at the table. "Dad, I am going to stay here with Sam and stop hunting for a while. At least until he's better. I think you were right and I know he needs me." I'm happy he doesn't try to argue with me and instead just seems to accept the idea. It's then that my brother decides to wander in. He looks like crap. "You look awful." I say

"I know" is all he says.

"Is it like that every single night?" I ask him.

"Yep pretty much" is his response. The fact that he could suffer through several minutes more of those nightmares scares me. I am happy that I decided to stay last night to wake him up. I wonder if its the same dream every time. I wonder if I should ask? I decide I will "Sam is it the same dream every night, or is it different?"

He sighs "Pretty much the same every. single. night. It's wonderful." He then sits down at the table and starts eating the bacon and eggs my dad brought. I decide now is as good as time as any to tell him what I decided.

"Well I decided to stop hunting and stay here with you for a little while, you know fix you up." I say.

A look of relief washes over his face before he composes it and says "Dean, No I can't ask you to do that for me. It's not fair to you. I'll be fine. I promise."

I tell him "Well first of all you aren't asking, I'm telling. Second of all I don't want to leave you alone like this. Sam I want to help you and the only way I'm leaving is if you throw me out the door." Then add as an after thought "And besides there's no way in hell you would be able to get me out that door. I would sooner kiss you then be physically removed." Ha, Let's see him remove me.

"Okay Dean, if you insist" he says not too convincingly. I can tell he's relieved that I'm staying. My dad decides that is his cue to go and stands up to say goodbye.

He hugs Sam and holds him close and cries as he says "I'm so sorry Sammy, I never meant to hurt you like that. You could always have come back. Frankly it broke my heart when you left. Well anyway you listen to Dean and let him fix you up, and that's an order. I love you Sammy so much, and I am so proud of you." By the time he's done even I'm crying. He then gives me a hug and says "Dean take good care of Sam. And I love you both so much." Then turns and walks out the door.

About a year Later

I ended up forcing Sam to go to the Veteran's hospital. I was indeed right and they diagnosed him with PTSD. At first he was resistant to going but I finally got him to go. He was originally talking to a therapist about three or four times a week for the first three weeks. Then it was reduced to the point where he now only checks in about once a month. Sam still has nightmares but they aren't as often. I moved a bed into his spare room and slept there the whole time. Our dad checked in on us from time to time and noticed Sam's improvement. I am just so happy that he was able to recover. As a matter of fact we are currently sitting in the car on the way to Texas. There is a small town that is currently being attacked by what I think is a djinn. Sam and I have been training very hard. And Sam doesn't even limp anymore, that I can see anyway. I know he is ready to start hunting again and get back to living our lives. I helped my little brother in his time of need and now we are closer than ever. I know now that the bond we share is unbreakable. And now enough with this chick flick moment time to kick some djinn ass.

**THE END!**

I hope you liked it :)


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